


Fortress

by MLauren



Series: Cold Secrets Collection [2]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cold Secrets Cnt., F/F, Fluff, Modern AU, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:40:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25016386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MLauren/pseuds/MLauren
Summary: Elsa and Honeymaren are faced with new challenges as they settle into domestic life with their son.| Elsamaren | Cold Secrets Continuation | M-Rated | Three-Part Short | <— now four parts because I have no chill.
Relationships: Elsa & Honeymaren (Disney), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Series: Cold Secrets Collection [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1811395
Comments: 41
Kudos: 117





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't supposed to be a thing, then it became a thing. Sorry, not sorry.

**_Fortress (Part One)_ **

M.Lauren

* * *

  
  
**“Why are these boots in your ‘no’ pile?”**

Elsa looked over to where Honeymaren stood in the doorway, dangling the heeled leather boots by their clasps. Her brow arched. Her lips pulled to the side, and she casually shook her head. She didn’t look angry as much as she did confused or skeptical. Elsa merely shrugged as she rose from her knees and came to take the boots from her. 

“I haven’t worn these in years…” Elsa smiled at the memory. “It seems silly to waste closet space at the new house with them.”

Smirking, Honeymaren strode past her. She took the boots back and placed them with the ‘maybes’. “-and here I thought one of the reasons we picked this house was because of all that extra closet space.”

“-and the school district, and its proximity to your  _ new _ job.”

By the time Honeymaren turned back around, Elsa had already looked away. She was staring down at her many piles. Her lip had dropped, her shoulders deflating. Honeymaren responded by coming closer. Her arms wrapped around Elsa’s waist from behind and her chin rested against her shoulder. 

“These changes are supposed to be a good thing…” Honeymaren tilted her head so her lips brushed beneath Elsa’s jaw. 

“I know… and they are,” Elsa promised before sighing. “-but it was easier to be excited about them before they were right here in front of me.”

Honeymaren turned Elsa around. She fought for her focus by placing a finger under her chin. “New house...new job… I know it’s a lot, but we can handle it.”

“It’s not that I don’t think we can handle it,” Elsa disagreed, her pout deepening. “It’s just… I’m going to miss you and our lunches together… and what if you find some fancy rich private school teacher you think is better than me?”

Elsa was teasing her, but Honeymaren could see the subtle flicker of her eyes proving the concern there was real. Smiling softly, Honeymaren leaned forward as if to kiss her. Elsa’s eyes drifted closed. She drew closer until her lips met with something solid and her eyes sprung back wide. Honeymaren pinched her wedding band between two fingers, holding it before Elsa’s lips. She slipped it back on and pulled Elsa flush against her. 

“Tell your anxious brain to settle down,” she squeezed Elsa’s hips between her hands. 

Blushing, Elsa turned her gaze toward the side wall. “Can we go back in time, two weeks?” The edges of her lips curled. 

Honeymaren snagged the bottom one between her teeth, stealing Elsa’s full attention. “I wish we could, my love…” she pulled away. “-but I’m afraid we have an apartment to pack up- now, finish with your clothes and I’ll check on Ryder. If we can get these two rooms squared away within the hour, we can go out to lunch before the rental truck gets here.”

Elsa groaned internally, releasing a long breath. She waited for Honeymaren to leave the room before collapsing back onto the bare mattress. 

The last four days had been endless- hell, the last six months were non-stop. At this point in time, Elsa wanted nothing more than to be back on vacation with her family. 

* * *

**Two Weeks Prior**

* * *

  
  
  


“Mom, Ma, Momma, Mommy…”

Ryder had leapt up onto the bed and crawled his way between them. When neither of his parents moved, he threw himself on top of them. 

“We’re here! We’re in Hawaii!” He continued at a shout. 

Honeymaren rolled, taking Ryder between her arms as she did. His head squashed beneath her chin and he groaned. Ryder managed to fight a hand to freedom. He swung it idly, searching the bed for Elsa to rescue him. 

“Let her sleep, little monster...” Honeymaren grumbled. 

“-but,” he pouted. “-but we’re in Hawaii…”

She pulled back enough to see his face. Ryder had dropped his lip and stared back at her with wide eyes. Honeymaren smiled at him. Her head turned to view the clock…  _ five am _ . 

She sighed, shaking her head. “Fine… go get ready,” Ryder tried to leap from the bed, but Honeymaren held him still. “Shorts, shoes,  _ teeth… _ ” She leveled with a pointed stare. 

Ryder eagerly nodded. “-and you’ll wake up Mommy?”

Before Honeymaren could respond an arm snaked over her and Ryder, settling on his back. 

“No need,” came Elsa’s raspy voice. “There are  _ two _ monsters in my bed making way too much noise…”

Gasping, Honeymaren’s eyes grew wide against Ryder’s stare. “Oh no! Now you’ve done it! You woke Mommy Monster! Run, Ryder! Run!”

Feigning fearful, Ryder quickly scrambled from the bed. His feet hit the floor and he left the room at a run. Honeymaren giggled at his antics before hugging Elsa’s arm tighter around her waist. A cheek rested against the side of her head and Honeymaren smiled. 

“I’m sorry he woke you up.”

Elsa shrugged against her. “It’s okay. He’s excited, and besides- if we get up now we’ll regulate the time difference better.”

Honeymaren spun in her arms. Her face was buried into Elsa’s neck. “Speak for yourself… While I was up for hours, you had no problem falling asleep before seven last night… neither of you did...”

“Well now, that’s because Ry and I didn’t sleep the whole twelve hour plane ride…” Elsa shivered as Honeymaren’s teeth grazed the soft skin of her neck. 

“I didn’t sleep the  _ whole _ time,” she mumbled beneath her jaw. “I seem to recall someone turning down my offer to meet me in the bathroom.”

“You’re still terrible- and that’s unsanitary!” Elsa scolded, pulling away from Honeymaren’s wandering lips. 

She couldn’t get too far, though. Elsa had been miraculously turned onto her back as Honeymaren’s mouth sought hers. 

“Come on! Come on! Come on!” Ryder shouted from the doorway. 

Honeymaren released a disgruntled groan. Her forehead fell against Elsa’s. “Why is he here again?” She whispered. 

Elsa freed herself from beneath her wife. “Because,” she smacked her thigh. “-we  _ both _ agreed a family vacation was a better idea than taking a honeymoon.”

“Right, right…” she smirked, watching Elsa stand from the bed. 

“Let me see those teeth,” Elsa lowered to her knees in front of Ryder. 

He grinned at her, his eyes turning toward the ceiling. 

She shook her head. “Go grab that toothbrush and get your butt back over here,” Elsa instructed lightly. 

With a small pout, but no argument, Ryder ran off as told. 

Honeymaren was suddenly at Elsa’s side. Her arms wrapped around her hips and she smirked. 

“You’re the best mom,” Honeymaren mused. 

Elsa giggled, leaning back into her. “Third to only you and Anna, of course… I’m still missing the biological factor.”

“Irrelevant,” she reminded her with a squeeze. 

“I know, I know... I was only stating a fact.”

Ryder ran into the room and Elsa pulled from Honeymaren. She took his hand before flashing her wife a near-casual wink over her shoulder. When the two disappeared into the bath, Honeymaren fell back onto the bed. She smiled to herself. 

_ Yes… _ life was good;  _ so _ good.

* * *

**Present Day**

* * *

  
  


The memory of their first morning in Hawaii had Elsa feeling far less motivated. Instead she walked into the master bath and closed the door behind her. Cupping her hands beneath the faucet, she splashed water on her face. She stepped back from the sink, turning off the tap, and sighed at her reflection. 

Her complexion was void of its usual blush. The skin under her eyes was dark and puffy. It wasn’t only the move that had Elsa out of sorts. It wasn’t their family’s fast-moving changes either. 

Out of excitement, she and Honeymaren had rushed into marriage. After the proposal in December, they planned a small ceremony for the end of May, before Ryder’s fourth birthday. In their minds, it wasn’t about the party. Where or when the celebration happened wasn’t important. They’d been together for three long years, and every minute felt like marriage- like a commitment they made to each other long-term. Perhaps it was because there was a Ryder to consider, but Elsa had always been certain it was more than that. 

She and Honeymaren were both eager to move forward with their lives. They wanted to be the family they told Ryder they were, on paper as well as in heart. 

But shortly after the ceremony, Honeymaren was approached with a job offer she couldn’t refuse. Moving was always their plan, yet now it was the priority. With the vacation planned for six weeks after the wedding, they jumped into their house search. There’d never been a full minute to breathe. They missed the opportunity to appreciate their new life, their new title. 

It all started without them. 

On top of that, Elsa’s own changes would only complicate matters further; and in, what felt, the worst way for all of them. She’d been sitting for far too long with the knowledge that their life… it couldn’t be as she and Honeymaren had always planned it. 

  
  


* * *

**Two Weeks - After the Wedding**

* * *

  
  
  


Elsa stared past Honeymaren. She leaned down, tilting her head to see out the driver side window. Her bottom lip sucked down between her teeth and she scrunched her nose. 

“It’s completely out of our price range…” Elsa mused, her eyes filtering back to her wife’s. 

“Oh, totally!” Honeymaren agreed. “-but it’s a short sale. If we like it, we should throw in an offer and see what happens.”

Her shoulders shrugged into her ears and Elsa sat up. “Alright,” she removed the seat belt. “I still think the farmhouse on Deer Street was better, but if you think this could be it... I am willing to give it a go.”

Smirking, Honeymaren leaned over the center console and kissed Elsa’s cheek. “There was no driveway there, Snowflake, and only three bedrooms... Sure it fit our budget better, but let’s try and stay open-minded here, shall we?”

Elsa’s eyes lowered playfully. She finally nodded, “Lead the way, Mrs. Nattura.”

Honeymaren stepped from the car and waited with her hand extended. Elsa’s fingers slipped easily between hers before she tugged her forward by the arm. The two started down the path leading to the front door. Elsa watched with wide eyes as the house grew in size before her. 

The house was a 1920s, light-washed brick colonial. Situated on a roundabout in the suburban district and surrounded by trees, it was a private oasis. The front porch was small, but the entry was grand. Elsa wouldn’t admit it aloud yet, but she was already falling in love with the house. If Honeymaren knew that, her impulsive self would be putting down an offer before Elsa even saw the inside. 

Honeymaren held the storm door for her and entered the main hall. The open house was in full swing. Couples drifted from room to room. Kids ran circles around their parents, and Elsa was suddenly thankful Anna had offered to take Ryder for the afternoon. 

When Honeymaren headed for the stairs, Elsa blinked. “Where are you going?”

She pulled Elsa firmly into her side. “Where do you think?”

“We’re supposed to check-in first…”

Honeymaren ignored her and started up the steps. Still connected by the hand, Elsa was forced to follow. Reaching the second floor, Honeymaren moved past the other occupants as she navigated the hall. Her head ducked between doorways until she found the room she sought. 

Honeymaren pulled Elsa into the master suite and dropped her hand. “What do you think? Better than the pictures? I think so…”

Another young couple left the room, giving them space. 

Elsa’s jaw wavered, “I… I think it’s very nice.”

With her back to Honeymaren, she wandered the perimeter. It was a corner suite with three large windows and plenty of room for their existing furniture set. Two doors lined the side wall. Elsa stopped in front of the first and pushed it open. 

Honeymaren’s chin was placed on Elsa’s shoulder. She lifted onto her toes to look around. “Master bath… oh, and is that a walk-in closet I see?”

Elsa was pushed forward into the room. Honeymaren’s hands fell from her hips as she slid past her. She stopped in the center of the tile and turned with her brow arched. 

“A shower  _ and _ a clawfoot tub…” Whistling, Honeymaren shook her head. 

With a subtle roll of her eyes, Elsa returned to the main room. She opened the second door and frowned. 

“What’s this?” She asked, feeling Honeymaren step in behind her. “Is this another closet?”

Confusion still evident across her face, Elsa moved into the new space. It was another room, much smaller than the master. A shallow closet lined the far wall, and another door was stationed in the corner. The best part of the room, Elsa found, was the large bay window running its length, paired with a wide bench seat. 

“You don’t know what this is?” Honeymaren mused, walking to the corner door. 

Elsa shook her head. She watched as Honeymaren opened the door to reveal the hallway before closing it again. 

“It’s another bedroom…” Honeymaren smirked. “-a  _ nursery _ , to be specific... Rooms like these were all the rage back in the early 1900s.”

“Oh,” Elsa's eyes widened and she turned away. A small smile tugged against her cheeks. 

Honeymaren caught sight of her in the window and stepped closer. Elsa scanned the room again, but slowly this time. 

“Where’d your head go just now?” Honeymaren placed a hand at the small of Elsa’s back. 

She turned to her with a shrug, “I was thinking…”

“-about pretty blonde siblings for Ryder?”

Sheepishly grinning, Elsa felt Honeymaren’s second hand settle beside her first. She met her eyes. “Maybe,” she whispered, leaning into Honeymaren’s touch. 

“I’ll tell you what,” she held her tighter. “-if we go through the rest of the house and you like it as much as I think you will, we can fill as many bedrooms here with as many kids as your heart desires.”

“Is that so?”

Honeymaren nodded, her hands flexing against Elsa’s back. “If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“And just how many of these ‘hordes of children’ will you be carrying?” Her brow arched. 

“None,” Honeymaren stated. “Why would I go through all that trouble when my wife is so damn good looking?”

Elsa brushed her finger across the tip of Honeymaren’s nose. “Enough of your silliness- show me the house.”

Tugging Elsa’s hand into her, Honeymaren led the way out of the room. She turned back over her shoulder and flashed Elsa a quick grin. “Stay close. I wouldn’t want to lose you in this big old house.”

Their fingers intertwined. “I’m staying right here,” she softly promised. 

* * *

**A Month Before the Wedding**

* * *

  
  


“Mommy, where did Henry come from?”

Ryder’s small hand sat in hers as Elsa turned to him. “What do you mean?”

He shrugged, his eyes filtering over the window displays in the mall. “Millie has a Henry and a daddy and  _ one _ mommy, but I only have two mommies.” 

Elsa stifled a laugh into her shoulder. “Families come in all shapes and sizes, Ry. Some little boys have mommies or daddies or lots of little Henrys...”

Frowning, his eyes returned to Elsa. “Will we have a Henry in some days, too?”

She squeezed his hand, leading Ryder toward the food court. “In some days we might. Why? Is that something you would like... a Henry?” 

The busy sitting area had Ryder in a moment of panic. He lifted his arms to Elsa, and she obliged by placing him on her hip. 

“Millie doesn’t like Henry, but I do,” he told her once he was snuggled against her side. 

“I’ll tell you what,” she jostled him playfully. “-bring this up with Mama later and I’ll do what I can to get us a Henry.”

Ryder smiled wickedly, and Elsa knew the results would be hilarious.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“A what?” Honeymaren’s jaw wavered. She looked to Elsa with wide eyes, ignoring the eager child to her right. 

Elsa leaned forward over the kitchen table, lifting her chin coyly over her palm. “Ryder would like a Henry, dear. What do you think about that?”

Blue irises appeared to glow as they stared back at Honeymaren. “Uh…  _ what do I _ \- I mean, what do  _ you _ think about it?”

Her shoulders tucked slowly into her ears. “Well,  _ Mare _ , I told Ryder this was something you would have to decide for our family,” Elsa stated with a smirk.

Honeymaren’s bottom jaw began to droop. Her head shook back and forth. “You set me up!” She pointed.

“That I did.”

A curt noise, semi-resembling a growl, cut through Honeymaren’s teeth. “This is  _ so _ not fair! If he asked you, you’re the one who has to answer!”

Elsa smiled, “I told him I would get us one  _ if _ he asked you first.”

“You did?” Honeymaren blinked and her back tensely straightened. “You told him that?”

Nodding, Elsa’s eyes circled high. “I mean, that was the plan. Wasn’t it?”

When her attention returned, Elsa wasn’t just smiling. There was a flicker of concern above her blonde brow as her head tilted to the side. Honeymaren couldn’t help but respond in kind. Her lips curled at one end and she laughed. 

“Sure, Ry,” Honeymaren turned down to their son. “I’ll see what we can do about getting you a Henry.”

Ryder’s tiny fists shot to the air. “Yay!” He cheered, “Thanks, Mama!”

He slid from his chair and ran out of the room. As he did, Honeymaren stood, approaching her fiance. She lowered herself gently into Elsa’s lap and draped her arms around her shoulders. 

“You made him really happy just now,” Honeymaren felt warmth spread throughout her back as she was tugged closer

“Me? I didn’t do anything…” Elsa’s attempt to turn away was halted by the two hands forcing her chin forward. 

“Modesty doesn’t suit you, Snowflake,” Honeymaren teased, pressing her lips against Elsa’s. “Besides,” their noses brushed. “I think this was more about what  _ you _ wanted… not Ryder.”

“Well... I can’t promise I’m crazy about the idea of having two Henry’s in the family...”

“Of course not, because that would be silly,” Honeymaren snorted, drawing back again to see Elsa more clearly. “So, what do we think? Should we get started on trying to make that baby?”

“It... doesn’t  _ exactly _ work that way…”

Honeymaren rolled her eyes. “I’m very aware of how  _ that _ works, thank you... but we can improvise… If you’re up for it?”

Elsa watched her brow arch. Honeymaren descended lower once more, and Elsa raised to meet her. “Hmm… I think it’s smarter to bench all baby making ideas until  _ after _ our vacation.”

“Wait, wait, wait!” Honeymaren froze in her movements. “You don’t mean  _ all _ ideas, do you? I still better be getting laid tonight!”

“Accidents  _ do _ happen. We should probably be  _ very _ careful…” 

Before Honeymaren realized it, Elsa had turned her into the chair. She slid out from under her legs, leaving her baffled while she watched Elsa walk away. 

“This conversation’s not over!” Honeymaren yelled after her. 

Elsa continued out of the kitchen and laughed as she shook her head. 

* * *

**Present Day**

* * *

  
  


Boxes had been separated by room. The larger furniture items were set up and ready to be slid into place. Their new home was quickly taking shape, but there was still so much to be done. To say Elsa was stressed would be an understatement. The perfectionist side of her wanted everything unpacked and organized box by box, however impossible she knew that to be right now. 

Honeymaren had taken on Ryder’s room, while Elsa was busy in the master. The goal for night one was to get things squared away enough to get some sleep. They could pick up where they left off tomorrow. 

With a pile of towels in hand, Elsa disappeared into the bathroom. She eyed the clawfoot tub excitedly, but shook her head to clear the fantasy. There wasn't any time to relax yet. Upon leaving the bath, she tossed their new pillows on the bed. Elsa had to wonder if her wife was working as quickly in their son’s room as she was in their’s. She knew the answer to that question and quietly groaned. Elsa came to lean against the wall, hanging her head dejectedly. 

“Whatcha doing, Mommy?” Ryder bounded excitedly into the room. His brown eyes peaked over the top of the oversized box he was carrying and Elsa moved away from the wall to help him. 

“Unpacking, what are you doing, little monster?” 

Ryder handed her up the box. “Mama said to give you these. They go in the small room.”

Her brow arched and Elsa peaked through the cardboard folds. “What’s in here?”

“Baby toys,” Ryder pouted. “They’re too little for me now.”

Before further could be said, he dashed from the room. Watching him go, Elsa clutched the box tighter to her chest before entering the nursery. She placed the box in the closet and sat with her feet up in the bay window. Her head tilted. The cool glass eased the tension in her head, and she allowed her eyes to drift close. 

“Are you hiding in here?”

Elsa sprung straight. Honeymaren narrowly avoided their heads colliding by jumping back. Her wife was looking up at her with wide eyes, and Honeymaren saw she’d startled her. 

“Were you sleeping?” She teased behind a smirk. 

“More like zoning out…” Elsa accepted Honeymaren’s hand and returned to her feet. “I’m sorry, I’ll get back to unpacking right now.”

She tried to walk away, but Honeymaren hadn’t let go. She kept a firm grasp on Elsa’s hand and forced her still. Honeymaren’s arms wrapped around her waist. Her nose brushed the back of Elsa’s neck, just above the collar, and Honeymaren hugged herself to her wife. 

“Why do I get the feeling you’re not telling me something?” She felt Elsa tense in her hold. “Is that it?” Honeymaren continued, “Are you keeping things from me?”

Elsa shook her head. Her eyes lowered and she turned in Honeymaren’s arms. “No, I’m stressed and busy. Stop prying, would you?”

Her second attempt to pull away failed as Honeymaren intertwined her fingers over Elsa’s shoulders. “I wouldn’t have to pry if you weren’t so good at shutting yourself into your secret fortress... Besides, today is supposed to be fun! We moved into our new home! You finally have that fancy closet you’ve always wanted and the big backyard… Not to mention all those extra bedrooms…”

Her brows lifted coyly, but Elsa hid her stare. She felt Honeymaren’s arms loosen and Elsa quickly slipped away. She had her back to Honeymaren as she entered their bedroom, though footsteps weren’t far behind. 

“Elsa, what’s this about?” She placed her hand on her wife’s shoulder, gently coaxing her to turn. 

“It’s nothing,” Elsa feigned. 

“You know, you’ve always been a terrible liar...”

With a sigh, Elsa brought herself to face her wife. Their eyes met briefly before she returned her attention to her feet. “I didn’t want to tell you now… Like you said, today is supposed to be a good day… It’s not the right time-”

“-but you’re struggling with something,” Honeymaren fought. “-and it’s my responsibility to help you. So, stop fighting it and tell me.”

Though her words were strict, Honeymaren’s tone was anything but. When Elsa finally brought her tearfilled eyes up from the floor, she could no longer hold back the words. Her wife’s expression was laced with compassion and concern. Honeymaren made it impossible to hide anything from her.

“The rooms… the kids…” Elsa painfully sighed. “Mare, I… I can’t have them…”

“What?” Honeymaren took a step back. Her hand fell from Elsa’s arm. 

“I saw the doctor, like you said I should…” She hugged tightly into herself. “But the accident… He- the doctor… they said it’s unlikely I’ll be able to have kids…”

* * *

_ Cheers, _

_ M. _

  
  
  
  



	2. Part Two

**_Fortress (Part Two)_ **

M. Lauren

* * *

**It was long past midnight.** With her eyes wide, Elsa fixed her stare at the side wall. The new neighborhood was strangely silent. Their bed felt different, uncomfortable. The sheets covering Elsa’s legs smelt odd, like cardboard. Even Honeymaren’s arm, hanging over her waist, felt heavier than usual; Elsa wasn’t quite sure why.

“Please talk to me…” Honeymaren softly begged. 

Instead of responding, Elsa turned onto her back. Her wife was propped up on an elbow beside her. Brown eyes watched her closely, filled with nothing but compassion. 

Honeymaren didn’t move her arm, snuggling in closer. “We can’t ignore this one, Elsa. You have to tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

A hand brushed through Elsa’s hair and settled there. She couldn’t help it; she leaned into Honeymaren’s touch, “You’re upset with me.”

Honeymaren shook her head. “I’m not upset. I’m sad,” she simply explained. “You’re supposed to tell me these things- not keep them to yourself. One week is a long time to sit with something that affects both of us this drastically. It’s painful, and you should have told me.”

Pouting her lip, Elsa turned her head from Honeymaren’s hand. “I didn’t want to ruin this for you. The house, the new job, the timing-”

Fingers settled over her lips. They traced down to Elsa’s jaw, turning her head.

“If you tell me about the timing one more time…” Honeymaren jokingly threatened. 

She was suddenly on top of Elsa. Honeymaren’s hands drew up her sides. Snagging Elsa’s night shirt, she pulled it up and over her head. Elsa shivered as the cool night air hit her fair skin. 

Hips dug into Elsa’s. She whimpered softly, “You know what I mean.”

“I do, but timing means nothing to me. If you’re hurting, I need to know, otherwise I can’t help you through it.” Honeymaren nibbled along her jaw. 

“You can’t help…” she whispered. Elsa tilted her head back for easier access. “You can’t change anything…”

“Elsa, I know this feels important,” Honeymaren inched up on her arms to look down at her. “I know this hurts, and you’re scared and upset, but we’re getting through this. We’re still going to try. We’re going to get another opinion. You’re not giving up here, because  _ I’m not _ ; Ryder won’t. If we have to go an unconventional route, we’ll do it- because Ryder is not yours by blood, but you have loved him like he was, every minute since the day you met him. You’d do it again without thought, so don’t drop anchor here. The race is not over.”

Sighing, Elsa’s head buried against her own shoulder. Her eyes, pinched and blue, looked up lovingly at Honeymaren. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?” Honeymaren asked.

Elsa shrugged shyly. Her cheeks darkened. “Make everything feel so much lighter.”

Honeymaren lowered back down to her, her full weight settling over Elsa. “That’s my job, baby. This is why you should talk to me.”

Elsa went to reply, but warm lips stilled her thoughts. Honeymaren’s fingers were tracing through her hair, holding Elsa firmly in place. 

* * *

**A Year and Four Months Ago**

* * *

“No, no, no! Not you!” Ryder wailed. 

Honeymaren had wrestled Ryder into bed, but now he was scrambling back to the floor. 

“Ryder, now is not the time,” she scolded. 

Ryder stood at the center of the bedroom. His little arms crossed in frustration. “Not you,” he whined again. 

Dragging a hand through her hair, Honeymaren sighed. She turned from the bedroom and retreated down the hall. She found Elsa in their room, changing into her nightgown. 

“You’re up,” she told her, slumping against the wall. 

Elsa frowned, “Ryder giving you a hard time? He’s probably nervous… Don’t be too hard on him.”

Honeymaren rolled her eyes. She waved her hand toward the door. “Doesn’t matter. It’s  _ your _ turn.”

Sheepishly smiling, Elsa shook her head. “My, how far you’ve come since a few years ago. Now you’re willingly throwing your kid at me.”

“Haha,” Honeymaren mocked. “-and I think you mean,  _ our _ kid.”

“How could I forget?” Elsa kissed her cheek as she walked by. 

She continued down the hallway without second thought, finding Ryder grumbling at the center of his new bedroom. “What’s going on, Ry?”

Elsa lowered to her knees beside him. 

“It’s not the same…” he pouted. “My mommies are far away and my toys are gone…”

“I see,” Elsa lifted Ryder up beneath his arms and returned to her feet. 

She came to sit on the edge of his bed, holding him close. Ryder’s head tipped to rest against Elsa’s shoulder. He hugged himself to her and sighed into her shirt. 

“You’re missing your old room?” she asked. 

Ryder slowly nodded. 

“That’s okay. Moving is really hard!” Elsa leaned back with her head against Ryder’s pillow. She smiled as he settled into the crook of her arm. “Momma and I thought you would be okay because you already had a room at my house. We didn’t know this would make you so sad.”

“-but we can’t go back. I want to go back!” Ryder started to cry. 

Elsa pulled away to see him better. Her hands stroked the tears from his face. “We can’t go back to Na-na’s,” she explained. “Na-na wants a new house, too, just like Momma and I want for you.”

She touched his nose, stopping his tears, and causing Ryder to giggle. 

“There’s my happy little monster,” she cooed. “Now, what would make you feel better? Do you want to come snuggle with Momma and me?”

Ryder shot up from the sheets. He bounced eagerly on his knees. 

“Alright, hop to it,” Elsa instructed. 

As she stood, Ryder was climbing back up her legs and into Elsa’s arms. She carried him from the bedroom, down the hall. As she entered her own room, Honeymaren was standing there with her arms crossed. Elsa shot her a glare in warning, silencing any protests with a pointed finger. 

Elsa dropped Ryder onto the bed and he crawled to the middle space. She followed, relaxing onto her side. Honeymaren merely stared down at them. Her arms remained folded over her chest.

Finally, she gave in. “I’m weak,” she whined. “What am I going to do with you two?”

Ryder’s head buried into Elsa’s chest and Elsa laughed, “Love us unconditionally,” she relented. 

Honeymaren rolled her eyes, bringing an arm around both her loves. 

“He needed some ‘mommies time’,” Elsa explained. “He’s missing Na-na’s house.”

“Or he’s playing you for the fool you are,” Honeymaren teased, tickling her side. 

Elsa’s eyes lowered. She shook her head. “Fine, then I’m a fool, but I’m pretty happy here if you ask me.”

Snuggling down into the blankets for show, Elsa stuck out her tongue. Try as she might, Honeymaren couldn’t fight the smile that pulled at her cheeks. 

“Yeah, you’re a fool, but you’re  _ my _ fool.”

* * *

**Present**

* * *

Hands were on Elsa’s waist, pulling down her shorts, “Wait, wait, Maren… Stop, please.”

When Honeymaren drew back, there were tears in Elsa’s eyes. “I’m not- you’re trying to fix this; to distract me…”

Honeymaren sat up fully.

“That’s- this isn’t what I need from you right now…” 

Her expression softened. Honeymaren leaned forward on her arms. She rolled, gently taking Elsa into the crook of her arm. A hand soothed through Elsa’s hair, prompting her to relax against Honeymaren’s chest. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered softly. 

“Why are you apologizing?” Honeymaren kissed Elsa’s head. 

“I wasn’t trying to be rude- I didn’t mean to push you away…”

“Look where you are right now, Snowflake… It doesn’t look like you pushed me away…” Honeymaren giggled beneath her. 

Elsa’s arm circled Honeymaren’s waist. She held herself tightly to her, curling onto her side. “I love you,” Elsa’s nose brushed into the soft skin of Honeymaren’s neck. 

“I love you, too,” she breathed. “Now, do you want to talk to me? Tell me what’s hurting you?”

Silent for a long moment, Elsa’s attention drifted away toward the wall. She sighed, long and deep. “I feel like I’m being punished- punished for what happened with Helga, and how I hurt her son. Now I’m punishing you and Ryder because of what I did, and that’s not fair to either one of you.”

Honeymaren squeezed her a bit tighter. “Elsa, you were young. You didn’t know, and even when you did, Helga lied to keep you involved. I know I’ve said this before, but  _ you _ were the victim in your accident, and you were most certainly  _ not _ deserving of it. You’re not being punished, alright? Some journeys are just harder for some people - with no explanation at all.”

She felt Elsa hum into her neck. Honeymaren breezed a hand down her side, flattening her arm against Elsa’s back. 

“-and as far as Ryder and I go… we chose  _ you _ , Elsa. We want a future with  _ you _ . Our love for you has nothing to do with what you can give and provide for us. If we only had you, that would be more than enough.”

Leaning forward, Elsa touched her forehead to Honeymaren’s jaw. She rested it there, closing her eyes. “I didn’t mean to keep you up.”

“Stop apologizing for things! I’m up. I want to be up. Now,  _ shh _ while I play with that pretty hair of yours…”

With a giggle, Elsa fully relaxed into Honeymaren’s arms. Gentle fingers started through her hair. Each strand was picked up and dropped back onto Elsa’s shoulders. In no time at all, Elsa was falling asleep. Even after she had, Honeymaren stayed there, playing with Elsa’s hair, and thinking of what was to come. 

* * *

**Two Weeks Later**

* * *

“It would be best if perhaps  _ you _ , Honeymaren, would consider carrying this child. We could take one of Elsa’s viable eggs, pair it with a donor of your choosing, and have the embryo implanted directly into your uterus. That would increase both of your chances at having a natural pregnancy.”

_ “Nothing about this feels natural…” _ Elsa uttered under her breath. 

Honeymaren squeezed her arm. Luckily, the doctor had turned back to his computer. He hadn’t appeared to hear Elsa’s protest. Actually, he hadn’t appeared to have heard much of anything during the last half hour; seemily busy with in and out nurses, and many messages on his cell phone. 

“We were really hoping that  _ Elsa _ could carry this baby, actually,” Honeymaren explained. “Is there any chance that implantation might work for her?”   


The doctor closed his laptop. His hands folded and he leaned over his desk. “I know this is a sensitive subject, but I really don’t think it’s worth the risk. Look at it this way, though, this is a benefit to being in a relationship like you are! If having Elsa’s biological child is what’s important here, then I’ve provided you with the best means to make that happen.”

“It’s the principal!” Honeymaren argued back. Her hands pulled into her lap, drawing them into tight fists. “Elsa wants to be pregnant! This is important to her!”

“Honeymaren, stop. It’s fine, real-” 

Honeymaren raised a hand to silence Elsa. Her attention turned back to the doctor. 

“We’d like you to look into other means. You’ve told us a lot about scar tissue and damage to one of her ovaries, but you haven’t explained any of the risks or ways around it. Something tells me you wouldn’t think twice if this was a straight couple coming to you with these requests. Just because we’re two women doesn’t mean you can cut corners in your practice. We expect the same courtesy. Elsa expects the same courtesy. She wants to carry our child, and so you should stop deflecting to any other means just because you can!”

“Stop talking about me like I’m not here!” Elsa shouted. She rose to her feet, snatching Honeymaren’s hand and dragging her along. “Dr. Tanner, thank you for your time, but my wife and I clearly have more to discuss.”

Behind wide eyes, Dr. Tanner nodded. He watched both women slip out the door. 

Once they were back outside of the building, Elsa dropped Honeymaren’s hand. She turned to her, the toes of her shoes scraping against the sidewalk. “What was that back there?” she demanded. 

“What was what, Elsa? You were just sitting there! What was I supposed to do?” Honeymaren crossed her arms. 

“That’s his job! Dr. Tanner is a professional, and he’s offering us his best advice!”

“His best advice, Elsa? That misogynistic asshole wouldn’t know his best advice unless we were straight, dumb, and wealthy.” She rolled her eyes. 

“We should consider his advice.”

“We should consider a second opinion,” Honeymaren deadpanned. 

“Why? Why shouldn’t we consider his advice? What if I can’t? Do you really want to waste all that time trying?” Elsa’s eyes widened as she pleaded. 

“Because that’s not what  _ you _ want, and it’s not what I want either! You want to have this baby, Elsa, and I don’t have time to be pregnant again!” 

It was a slip-up; a big one- one Elsa might have let slide if she wasn’t already feeling vulnerable. 

“-and you think I do? I’d be sacrificing just as much here, but I thought- I thought this was what we  _ both _ wanted…” Her brows lowered as she shook her head. “What do you mean, you don’t have time? Time to be home; time to be a parent?” 

Elsa took a cautious step backwards as Honeymaren considered her next words. 

“That’s not what I meant…” she started slowly. 

Yet something flickered in her face that Elsa couldn’t ignore. There was the subtle flutter of her brow; the way Honeymaren’s lips drew suddenly to the side once she said what she had. 

“What did you mean?” Elsa whispered. 

Wordlessly, Honeymaren hooked her arm with Elsa’s. She pulled her across the street and toward the parking lot. Once seated in Honeymaren’s sedan, Elsa turned to her. She said nothing as Honeymaren tightly gripped the steering wheel. 

“What I said… I didn’t mean it like that… It’s just, with the new job, the new house… I’m worried about taking too much time off… It doesn’t mean I don’t want this, but look, maybe this is a sign that we shouldn’t be pursuing this right now?” She slowly looked to Elsa.

Elsa merely blinked. Her jaw wavered with unspoken words. “When would be better for you then?”

Shrugging, Honeymaren dragged a hand through her hair. “I… don’t know- listen, I don’t mean we stop looking into other doctors. We’re not going to stop trying to figure something out just because one guy said it can’t happen-”

“-but why would I do that?” Elsa’s voice was dry. Her head turned from side to side as if on a pendulum. “This isn’t what you want right now. If you’re worried about the time off- how would  _ me _ going through this be any different? Was your plan to just leave me at home after? Make me take care of all the work?”

“No, Elsa, of course not!”

“-then why?” Elsa cut her off again. “Why would you say that? Was that the real reason you didn’t like what the doctor had to say; because it could inconvenience you more than you planned?”

Stifling a breath, Honeymaren grit her teeth. “Stop putting words in my mouth. That’s not what I meant!”

“Would you carry our child;  _ my _ child?” Elsa demanded. 

She pulled a hand over her face, “If I had to,  _ yes _ .”

“If you  _ had _ to?” Elsa huffed. “Why do I get the feeling it was never your plan to have more kids?”

“It was never my plan to have any!” Honeymaren finally snapped. 

Both she and Elsa reeled back in shock. Elsa’s eyes were impossibly wide and blue, and Honeymaren’s skin drained of all its coloring. 

“No, no, Elsa… That’s- don’t listen to that! That’s not what I meant!” she was suddenly pleading. 

Elsa closed her fallen jaw. Her eyes began to well. “Drop me off at my sister’s, please.”

“Elsa, no-”

“Please.” She finished, before turning from Honeymaren completely. 

* * *

**Later**

* * *

Elsa hadn’t made it more than twenty feet into her sister’s house before collapsing into the first chair she saw. Anna, who’d opened the door for her, stared from afar. She’d seen Honeymaren leave their driveway. Elsa had said nothing when she walked in. 

“Uh…” she balked, confused. “What’s going on?”

Her questions were silenced when tears began to slide down Elsa’s cheeks. She went to her, sitting on the edge of the chair. Anna wrapped an arm around Elsa’s shoulders. She tucked her head against her chest. 

“Okay… I was definitely not expecting this…”

“Auntie Elsa!” Millie had wandered into the room. She stood at their sides with her arms raised. 

Seeing Millie only caused Elsa to cry harder. 

“Not right now, baby. Why don’t you go check on Henry for me?” Anna requested. 

Confused, but unwilling to argue, Millie walked away. Anna’s attention returned to Elsa. She touched a finger to her chin and pulled their eyes together. 

“What happened?” Anna whispered. She pushed Elsa’s damp hair from her face. 

“Everything!” Elsa managed to voice before taking a breath. “Nothing and everything!”

“Alright, slow down and deep breaths,” Anna encouraged. 

Elsa swatted her away, “Don’t parent me!”

“I won’t! I’m not trying to! Just, tell me what’s wrong!”

Her brows pinched and Elsa sighed. “I hate everything right now! I hate Maren’s new job. I hate that she likes it there! The new house is too quiet. My new classes are terrible! My OB-GYN is a pious dirt-bag, and I really, really wanted to have kids!”

The last of Elsa’s rant seemed to push her over the edge. She was crying again. No, she was sobbing. As she did, Anna held her tighter. 

“You’re having kids?” she asked, her face brightening. 

“Was, will- I don’t know right now!” Elsa explained to her. “We got in a fight, a big one… I don’t know how to fix it, but I don’t feel like it’s my responsibility to. How could she marry me knowing how I felt about this? She knew I wanted kids! She agreed to it! How could she throw this at me now?”

Anna blinked. Her shoulders shrugged into her ears. “This is… a lot…” she uttered. “Wow…”

“I didn’t mean to throw this at you- I could go, if you’re busy or-”

“No,” Anna stopped her, taking her sister’s hands. “You’re here now. Of course you can always come here! I’m just… I’m trying to catch up…”

Elsa winced, “I’m sorry…”

Shaking her head, Anna pulled Elsa to stand. “Do you want tea? Too bad, I’m making some.”

Elsa was promptly dragged into the kitchen and pushed into a stool at the counter. Anna continued to circle from the stove to the cabinet and back again, seemingly flustered. 

“What are you doing back there?” Elsa sniffled and turned her head to the side. 

Anna was hiding in the cabinet with her back to Elsa. “Nothing!” She promised, and quickly stuffed her phone into her back pocket. 

“Were you… who were you just texting?”

“No one!” Anna answered, a bit too quickly. 

Elsa shot out of the chair, “Were you just texting Maren?!”

Digging her toes into the tile, Anna’s hands clasped at her waist. “Maybe…” she sang. 

“Anna, no! Please don’t get involved!” She crossed her arms, holding her ground. 

“I didn’t get involved, per say… I just said, ‘Maren, what the fuck?’...” 

“Anna!” Elsa cried. She fell back onto the stool with her head in her hands. 

“What? You’re here and you’re crying and it’s all her fault!” Anna approached. She stroked a hand over Elsa’s back. 

“It’s my marriage; it’s my problem to fix! I appreciate you wanting to help me, but this one… it’s not good, Anna…” Elsa sighed. 

Eyes widening slightly, Anna sat at Elsa’s side. She placed a hand on her knee, “Talk to me, Els. Tell me everything.”

* * *

When Elsa returned home later that evening, Honeymaren was already in bed. The kitchen lights were left on for her, as was the front porch light. The whole house was eerily silent. Elsa hated it, but pushed her discomfort aside. Instead, she crept up the stairs, not entirely sure where she was going. 

“Mommy…” a whisper surfaced from behind Ryder’s cracked door. 

Brows lifting, Elsa paused. She placed a hand on the door and pushed it open. Across the room, hidden in the shadows, Ryder sat up in his bed. He had his reindeer hugged against his chest. 

“You’re home?” He asked, his voice laced with fatigue. 

“Yeah, bud, sorry… I didn’t mean to wake you…”

Ryder patted the space on the mattress beside him. Smiling, Elsa crossed the floor to him. She lowered onto her side and Ryder snuggled into the crook of her arm. 

“Where did you go?” he questioned. A small yawn escaped his lips. 

“I went to visit Auntie Anna and Millie-”

“What?!” he shot up. “I wanted to go!!”

Ryder dropped his bottom lip into a pout. Elsa smiled and tugged him back down to snuggle. “Next time, monster…” she whispered. “Mommy had something to talk about with her sister.”

Ryder mindlessly hummed. His nose buried into Elsa’s shirt. “You promise, next time?”

“Of course, buddy,” she kissed his head. “Now, no more stalling… What are you still doing up?”

Sighing, Ryder turned his eyes up to Elsa’s. “Momma was sad. I wanted you to come home and make her feel better.”

Elsa plastered on a small smile. “I’ll see what I can do, okay?”

He nodded, but didn’t pull away from Elsa’s arms. Instead, he snuggled down deeper into the sheets. Listening to her heart, he began to drift. Elsa could have left, but she decided she didn’t want to. After a short while of listening to Ryder’s snores, she fell asleep as well; the rest could wait until tomorrow. 

* * *

_ Cheers, _

_ M. _

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG HUGE THANKS TO SOUP. AIM. I LOVE YOU.


	3. Part Three

**_Fortress (Part Three)_ **

M. Lauren

* * *

**Elsa’s eyes fixed to the document in front of her.** She had the butt of her pen pressed into her bottom lip. A steady frown creased her forehead; her nose scrunched. Mindlessly, she continued reading. She wasn’t certain if the second week of assignments had somehow ended up worse than the first, or if her emotional funk was making everything more difficult?

The last twenty four hours  _ had _ been difficult, in fact-  _ more _ than difficult. She and Honeymaren still weren’t speaking; not much anyway. She was avoiding the conversation. She knew that. Truthfully, she was afraid of what Honeymaren might have to say.

Could their relationship handle her changing the plans so drastically? Was that something she was willing to accept?

Elsa didn’t know… 

A coffee cup suddenly appeared next to her hand. Startled, her back went momentarily rigid before Elsa turned in her seat. Slowly, her blue eyes met the brown ones looking down at her. Honeymaren was there. Her lips pulled shyly to the side, but her attention never wavered. 

“Hi,” Honeymaren whispered. 

Elsa blinked, “Hello… What- what are you doing?” 

Honeymaren tentatively sat beside her wife, her hands clasped tight above her thighs. “I’m bringing you coffee- like old times,” she explained. “Do I really need a reason, though?”

“I meant, what are you doing  _ here _ ? You don’t exactly work on campus anymore…” 

She continued watching Honeymaren as she took a sip of her coffee.  _ Pumpkin spice… Drats! This woman knew her too well…  _

“I moved around some hours so I could take a half day and visit you… Elsa,” Honeymaren leaned forward. She placed a hand on Elsa’s knee and whispered, “You weren’t there when I woke up. After that text last night from your sister- I know you’re angry with me, but you never gave me the chance to explain!”

Pushing back into her seat, Elsa crossed her legs, keeping space between them and lowering her eyes. “Go on, explain,” she deadpanned. “Explain why you falsely allowed me to believe you wanted kids with me; why you were dishonest with me about when, and about the extent of your involvement?”

“It’s not like that! I didn’t mean for it to come across like it did. I was emotional too, you know? Finding out that rat-bastard stole your sense of safety  _ and _ your ability to have kids- I’m so angry, Elsa! I want to break into prison and punch that guy! I bet it would be easy, too! There’s not many people trying to break  _ into _ a prison…”

Try as she might, Elsa couldn’t hold back her laugh. Her lips curled and she shook her head, saying nothing as Honeymaren continued. 

“I want kids with you. Of course I do. I was feeling overwhelmed- the same as you were, and I was pissed at that doctor for treating us the way he did. And of course I would carry our kid, and take off whatever time we needed.  I didn’t mean I never wanted kids. I meant that before Ryder... it was never even a thought for me. Sure, given the right person, I believed I might consider it, and that’s exactly what happened! So please, don’t believe the stupid things I said yesterday. I’m sorry I brought it up. I completely over-reacted.”

Elsa remained silent. Her head tilted to the side. Eventually, she began to nod, “Ten out of ten in the apology department.” She sipped her coffee. 

“You really think so?” Honeymaren released a stubborn breath. 

“It could have benefited from some added snacks, but I don’t want to get nitpicky.”

Leaning over, Honeymaren fished around in her bag. When she returned, she placed a bag of M&Ms next to Elsa’s coffee. 

“Now we’re talking,” Elsa laughed. She forewent the snack and placed her hand over Honeymaren’s. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you explain, and I’m sorry about Anna… I didn’t expect her to start meddling…”

“You didn’t? Because I could have called that.” 

Elsa rolled her eyes, “Regardless, she shouldn’t have. I know she was trying to make me feel better, but I would have rather she let us work through it ourselves.” 

Honeymaren shrugged. She slid out of her chair and wedged herself onto Elsa’s lap. “You’re forgiven, Snowflake. Now, kiss me and pack up.” 

Before Elsa could question her, Honeymaren’s lips had planted over her own. She kissed her back, leaning closer. 

“Pack up?” She asked once they’d pulled apart. 

“Yup,” Honeymaren stood. “I made you an appointment with an OBGYN from my hometown. We’re going to get a second opinion.” 

She was walking toward the door, but Elsa hadn’t moved. “Are you sure?” She asked. “What if they recommend the same thing? I don’t want to start up the same argument from yesterday… Maybe we should take some time off from thinking about it?”

Honeymaren’s eyes lowered, “Stop worrying.”

“But Ryder?”

Honeymaren’s hand dramatically waved. “Your meddling sister is picking him up. Now, grab your stuff!” 

Elsa did as requested, “How’d you figure out my new work schedule, anyway?”

She held the door for her, “You mean, how did I  _ not _ miss the bright orange highlighter scribbled all over our refrigerator calendar?”

Honeymaren’s arm circled Elsa’s waist and pulled her close, “I meant, how did you find me  _ here _ ? I could have been in the library…”

“Not a chance in hell,” Honeymaren kissed her head. “You were only down there so you could make heart-eyes at me in the first place.”

Elsa pouted, “I do miss you, you know?”

Honeymaren smiled, “I miss you too, Snowflake.”

* * *

**A Month Later**

* * *

Something warm pressed tight against her back. A hand circled her waist. 

“Don’t even think about it,” Elsa warned her. 

Her head tilted to find Honeymaren raised up on one arm. She was looking down at her wife, utterly confused. Elsa pulled back the covers to reveal the tiny bare toes hidden under her pillow. Ryder had evidently snuck into their bed at some point during the night, as he had been for the last week or so. 

“How long did he hold off this time?” Honeymaren yawned and curled up behind her. 

“He snuck in just before two.”

“-and what’s he doing down there?”

Elsa laughed, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

She brushed a finger over Ryder’s toes until he began to squirm. Elsa reeled back, dodging a foot to her jaw. Ryder ducked beneath the covers entirely before his head reemerged. 

“Hi, Mommy!” He flashed Elsa a wicked grin. 

“What are you doing in here again, monster?” 

It was Honeymaren who questioned him. Her brows lowered and her brown eyes grew narrow. Ryder eeped and hid beneath the blankets once more. 

“Be nice, would you?” Elsa scolded Honeymaren under her breath. 

“There’s clearly something he’s not sharing with the rest of the class,” Honeymaren whispered, making certain her lips brushed against the lobe of Elsa’s ear. 

Elsa batted her away, “When he’s ready, Ryder will come talk to us.” 

Before Honeymaren could respond, Ryder leapt up from the covers. He landed on Elsa with a thud. 

“I want pancakes!” He demanded. 

“Hey, mister,” Honeymaren bopped his nose and pulled him down. “That’s not how we ask for things around here!”

“I want pancakes,  _ please _ ,” Ryder baited. 

“I’ve got it,” Elsa tried to stand up, but Honeymaren caught her arm. 

“Not so fast… Why don’t we let Ryder make breakfast for us today?” 

“What?” Her brow arched. 

Honeymaren nodded coyly, “Yup, the kid’s living here for free. It’s about time he started contributing.”

Ryder’s jaw dropped, “-but I’m your little monster…” He pouted. 

“-and little monsters have to learn to make their own pancakes eventually,” Honeymaren teased. Seeing his confusion thicken, she continued, “I’m kidding,little monster, but you  _ are _ helping. Now, hop that butt out of bed and go brush your teeth.”

“I want Mommy to come with me…” His voice dropped and his eyes widened. 

Elsa turned to Honeymaren. She all but pouted herself. 

“Fine, but you two better meet me downstairs in five minutes or no one’s getting any pancakes!” 

Honeymaren accepted the kiss placed against her lips. Elsa’s hand left hers and she sighed as she stretched into the mattress. She watched them go. Ryder took the lead, dragging his mother with him. The two were quite a pair, and Honeymaren felt like she could watch them together forever.

Down the hall in the bath, Ryder was seated on the edge of the counter with Elsa in front of him. He mindlessly moved the toothbrush around his mouth. 

“Mommy,” he mumbled. Toothpaste dripped out and down his chin. 

Elsa took over the job and finished for him. Ryder leaned over the sink and spit. 

“Mommy,” he said again. 

“What, baby?” His hands went up, and Elsa placed him on her hip. 

“I’ve decided I don’t want a baby Henry for us anymore. Is that okay?” 

Ryder shyly looked away from her. Elsa frowned, “What do you mean? You don’t want a new brother or sister?”

Ryder shrugged as Elsa started down the hall, “No. I think I just want it to be the three of us now.”

Elsa’s eyes continued to lower. She slowed her descent down the stairs. “-but you were so excited about it. What made you change your mind?”

“You two better hurry up or I’m making scrambled eggs instead!” Honeymaren shouted from afar, cutting them off. 

Ryder instantly silenced. 

“She’s teasing.” Elsa assured him. “Mama knows you don’t like scrambled eggs.” Holding him tighter, she rounded the hall on the main floor and entered the kitchen. “Hey, Ry, tell me what you were saying before.”

Ryder merely shook his head in response. He wriggled from Elsa’s arms and leapt down onto the tile. He hurried away from her as fast as his little legs would take him before sliding to a stop at Honeymaren’s feet. 

Honeymaren turned from the counter. She held a mug out to Elsa, who took it graciously. 

“You’re good to take over from here?” Honeymaren pointed to the baking supplies laid out on the counter. 

“Nice try,” Elsa smirked. She sat herself up onto the center island and crossed her legs. 

“Me too,” Ryder stood before her with his hands raised, demanding to be picked up. 

She happily obliged, despite Honeymaren’s glaring. “You’re teaching him bad habits,” she scolded. 

“Well, he already has  _ your _ mouth. I’m sure this is the least of our worries.” Elsa flashed her a smile once Ryder had comfortably seated himself in her lap. 

“Shall I remind you, you’re both meant to be helping me?”

“We are helping!” Ryder defended. 

“We’re providing moral support.” 

“Yeah, we’re moral supports!” Ryder echoed his mom. 

Honeymaren lowered her eyes, “I’m not going to let this new baby take advantage of me like you guys do.” 

Her back was to them when Ryder stiffened. He looked up at Elsa, a small frown coming to play against his brow. 

“May I go play?” He asked her quietly. 

“Sure, but no screens before breakfast.”

“I know…” Ryder drawled. 

Elsa hugged him quickly and helped Ryder slide back down her legs. 

“Hey! I thought you were my moral support!” Honeymaren called to him. 

Ryder dashed away before she could say more. 

“Let him go,” Elsa encouraged. 

Confused, Honeymaren faced her fully, “Is something going on?”

Elsa shrugged. Honeymaren came to stand in front of her. She folded her arms behind Elsa’s back and pulled her closer. 

“I think I figured out the source of Ryder’s new attitude,” she explained. 

Honeymaren tilted her head, “Go on.”

“As it turns out, Ry is not so keen on the whole ‘new baby’ idea anymore… I think he’s been picking up on a bit of our tension.”

Lips pursing, Honeymaren’s arms tightened, “Is that so?”

“That might explain the sneaking into our room at night, and how clingy he’s been, too. I think he’s a little anxious.” Elsa remarked at a whisper. 

“Do you want to talk to him about it?” 

Elsa shook her head, “He seems a little reluctant to do so. Maybe we wait and see if he opens up?” 

“It’s your call,” Honeymaren kissed Elsa’s head. “When you’re both ready, I’ll be there.” 

“It’s probably better to talk it out with him before anything happens, but we’ll give it some time.” 

“I agree,” Honeymaren swatted her thigh. “Now get your cute butt off my clean counter and help me with breakfast.” 

Elsa playfully rolled her eyes.

* * *

**Later**

* * *

“So, how do you pick a donor?” Anna hummed into her glass of wine. 

The two sisters were seated out front of the Arettura house. They rocked in the porch swing as Millie and Ryder played in the grass. 

“I guess we just find one we like and go with it,” Elsa tried to explain. 

“-but do you get an open donor, or a closed one? And what about genetics? What if there’s something they didn’t put in their profile and you don’t find out until later? Could you sue someone for passing down some weird disease or something to your kid?” 

Shrugging, Elsa kicked her feet against the wood, “Those are the same questions we’ve been wondering ourselves.”

“It’s a big deal. I mean, what if you get an open donor and they suddenly want to be in this kid’s life?” 

“Anna,” Elsa sighed, shaking her head. “-you’re here to take my mind off of the baby problem, not stress me out more over it,” she crossed her arms. 

“I know, I’m sorry! There’s just so much to consider!” 

“Forget about that,” Elsa pleaded. “Help me figure out what to do with Ryder. He’s been acting so different lately. I’m sure he’ll come around, but I really don’t want to start this process off on a bad foot…"

“Oh, he’ll totally come around,” Anna brushed back her hair. “Millie goes back and forth everyday with her request to have another brother or sister.” 

“So it’s normal?” Elsa’s eyes lifted. 

“ _ So _ normal.”

“Good, because the last thing we’d want to do is upset him…” 

Anna was smiling. Her eyes met her sister’s. “You’re a good mom, you know that. And you’ll be a good mom to whoever comes along next. You shouldn’t worry so much. You, or Maren.”

Biting her lip, Elsa turned her head. “You really think so?”

“I know so.”

* * *

A knock sounded at the door. Ryder looked up from his toys and smiled. 

“Hi, Mommy!” he greeted. 

Elsa slowly entered the room and Honeymaren followed closely behind. Ryder’s eyes grew wide. 

“Hey, buddy, can we talk to you for a quick second?” Honeymaren sat next to him. Elsa joined at his other side. 

“Okay…”

After getting comfortable, Elsa placed a hand on his knee. “We wanted to talk to you about what you said to me earlier… about having a baby…”

Ryder’s face contorted, his brows pulling high. 

“We’re not mad,” Honeymaren assured him. 

“We’re worried about you, and wanted to know what made you change your mind,” Elsa continued. 

Ryder dropped his stare. His hands drew into his lap, “I don’t want a baby anymore.” 

“You were so excited about it,” Honeymaren soothed a hand over his back. “Are you sure that’s all that’s going on?”

He shook his head, not looking up. 

“You can tell us, Ry,” Elsa promised. “You can always tell us anything.”

Slowly, his eyes returned. He sucked down on his bottom lip. “I don’t want a baby because it makes me sad. I don’t want to share my mommies.”

Honeymaren laughed and tugged Ryder into her lap. “Ry, you already share your mommies. You share us with Auntie Anna and with Millie. You’re a great sharer.” 

“-but I don’t want to,” he pouted. “I like it, just us.”

“No matter who or what comes along, you’ll still have time with just us. Nothing’s going to change that.” Elsa brought an arm around Maren and hugged the two of them. 

“Can I think about it?” Ryder asked, his attention wavering between his mothers. 

Honeymaren’s lips pulled to the side, “Of course, buddy. Take as much time as you need.”

He nodded solemnly before slipping from her lap, “Story time?”

Elsa laughed, “I think we can do that.”

-

_ Cheers, _

_ M. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big HUGE thanks to my genie friend, Superduper Amy <3


	4. Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't supposed to have any angst in it. In the first draft, it was all fluff! Then, Thorn grabbed me by the claws, which called for an entire rewrite....  
> Guess this isn't the final installment anymore...

_**Fortress (Part Four)** _

M. Lauren

* * *

**The next few weeks hadn’t brought Ryder out of his funk.** In fact, having a conversation with him had appeared to make matters worse. He’d been more irritable; more clingy than usual. He was talking back and starting arguments over small issues. It was completely unlike the four year old. 

Just that night, he’d refused his dinner, claiming he didn’t like spaghetti anymore. 

“Since when?” Honeymaren frowned. 

“Since forever,” Ryder boasted. 

“I thought spaghetti was your favorite food?” Elsa chimed in. 

Ryder huffed and pushed the plate further away from himself. 

“If you’re not going to eat, why don’t you go get ready for bed?” Turning her attention to Elsa, Honeymaren met her eyes. 

She mindlessly shrugged, worrying on her bottom lip for comfort. During that time, Ryder slid away from the table. His footsteps could be heard echoing up the stairs at a stomp. 

“What are we going to do about him?” Honeymaren groaned. 

Elsa didn’t respond. She pushed her fork around the plate, keeping her attention purposefully diverted. 

“You alright?” Honeymaren continued. She placed her hand over Elsa’s. 

“I’m fine,” she plastered on a smile. “-just tired.” 

Pulling away, Elsa stood with her plate in hand. She dished her uneaten food into a container before returning to the table. “I’m going to go get ready for bed.”

“I’ll check on his highness,” Honeymaren stated with a smirk. 

Elsa playfully rolled her eyes. She leaned forward, squeezing Honeymaren’s arm before walking away. “Don’t be too hard on him,” she pleaded over her shoulder. 

_“Yeah, yeah, yeah…”_

Honeymaren took care of the rest of the clean up. Looking at Ryder’s full plate, she knew it wouldn’t be too long before he started in on the, “-but I’m hungry” debate. That was their new routine. Every night as he would get into bed, Ryder would complain he was hungry, thirsty, or just _not_ tired yet. He’d whine until either Honeymare or Elsa let him into their bed; most often it was Elsa, but Honeymaren had grown weak to his pleading these days as well. 

Once the kitchen area was clean, Honeymaren headed upstairs to Ryder’s bedroom. She found him belly down on the carpet, surrounded by his action figures. 

“What’s going on in here, kid?” she greeted. 

Ryder’s eyes surfaced over his shoulder, “I’m playing super heroes.” 

“Superheros, huh?” Honeymaren sat down beside him. 

“Yeah, Iron Man is naughty,” he explained. “He let the bad guys win..." 

Without prompting, Ryder rolled onto his feet. He slid into his mother’s lap and held up Iron Man to her face for Honeymaren to see.

“Naughty, huh?” she hummed. 

He didn’t respond immediately. Ryder’s head came to rest against Honeymaren’s chest. He snuggled into her, and Iron Man fell back to the floor. 

“Am I naughty, Momma?” he refused her his eyes. 

“Are you naughty?” Her jaw wavered, “Why do you ask?”

Bitting down on his lip, Ryder’s shoulders pulled into his ears. “Mommy is sad. _I_ made her sad...”

“You didn’t make Mommy sad, Ry. Mommy loves you.” Honeymaren brushed the long brown hairs from his eyes. 

“She wants a new baby,” he whispered. “-and I won’t be your baby no more.”

With a pout, Honeymaren tugged on his chin. “Ry, you will always be our baby, no matter who else comes along.”

He didn’t appear to believe her, tugging his chin from her grasp. 

Honeymaren continued on, “Mommy doesn’t want a baby to replace you, Ryder. She wants one so we can add to our family… She wants one so you can have a best friend for the rest of your life; like Mommy has Auntie Anna, and I had your Uncle Ryder.”

His brows knit together, “-but you’re my best friend, Momma?”

Honeymaren released a tiny laugh, “You’re my best friend, too, buddy, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have other best friends. What about Mommy? Isn’t she a best friend to both of us?”

Sighing, Ryder turned his attention down to his hands, “Yeah…”

She couldn’t help but think of all the challenges Ryder had been through. There’d been the drama with Rico, the move to Elsa’s apartment, and then again to their new home. He’d started full time school, and was witness to all the stress she and Elsa were going through now. 

“Mommy and I love you so much. You know that, don’t you?”

Ryder slowly nodded, his eyes still low in his lap. 

“-and Mommy and I would never do anything to hurt you. We wouldn’t be trying to have a baby if we didn’t think it was a good idea.” Honeymaren squeezed Ryder between her arms. 

When he didn’t reply, Honeymaren stood. She pulled Ryder onto her hip and looked him square in the eyes. “We can talk about the baby thing, okay? You don’t need to worry about it right now. Just know your Mommy and I love you very much, no matter what.”

She placed Ryder on the bed. His forehead furrowed as he looked up at her. 

“Brush those teeth, and Mommy and I will be in soon to read stories, alright?” 

He nodded and Honeymaren began to walk away. 

“Momma,” he called to her. 

Honeymaren turned back. 

“I don’t want a baby anymore… I _never_ want a baby. Is that okay? I only want stories with you and Mommy forever.” His lips pulled to the side. 

“That’s okay, Ry. You don’t have to explain.” Honeymaren returned to his side. She kissed his nose, “Now, go... get ready for bed.”

Looking relieved, he leapt off the mattress and started for the hall at a run. Honeymaren chucked, shaking her head, before going to break the news to her wife. 

When she entered their bedroom, the bathroom door was closed. She heard the tap running and so she sprawled out on the bed as she waited. When Elsa emerged, she appeared briefly startled. Her eyes grew wide and she took a small step back. Relaxing, she leaned against the doorway and held her arms crossed over her chest.

The skin beneath her blue eyes was dark, and more visible now that her makeup had been washed away. She was looking thin and tired. The stress of everything was now physically catching up with her.

“Hey, good looking,” Honeymaren propped up on her elbow. “Do you come here often?” 

“Hmm, I could ask you the same thing,” Elsa hummed. 

Honeymaren smiled in reply, but the expression faltered. Her brown eyes were looking at her, but Honeymaren’s attention was very far away. 

“Everything alright?” Elsa asked, not moving. 

“It’s… Ryder,” Honeymaren sighed. Seeing Elsa's tired eyes had her reconsidering. “ _It’s_... it's nothing…”

“Are you sure?” Elsa’s head turned in curiosity. 

Honeymaren went to speak, but she quickly shut her mouth. Dealing with Ryder was _her_ responsibility. Elsa was under enough pressure as is. 

“He’s fine,” she promised with a short nod, appearing more than convincing.

Elsa’s eyes lifted. She took a deep breath, “ _Well_ , how soon until Ryder changes his mind do you think?”

Honeymaren’s brow arched, “About the baby thing? I don’t know… probably never..." she tried to joke. "He’s stubborn... just like his mother,” smirking, she didn't bother to identify which one. “Why do you ask?”

Bitting her lip, Elsa slowly walked forward. Her hands clasped at her waist, “-because he might not have all that much time to get comfortable with it…”

“What?” Honeymaren’s jaw dropped slightly. She slid forward on the bed. 

“Yeah…”

“Wait a minute- wait a minute-” she waved her hands. “Are you saying what I _think_ you’re saying?”

Elsa’s shoulders tucked into her ears and she extended her hand. Honeymaren looked down at it nervously. Uncurling her fingers, a pregnancy test fell before Honeymaren’s lap. Her brown eyes popped to attention. 

“You’re pregnant?” she asked breathlessly.

Elsa nodded. A smile grew across her cheeks. 

“You’re pregnant?” Honeymaren was suddenly standing, her face a mere inch away from her wife’s.

Elsa had to blink to clear her vision. “ _We’re_ pregnant,” she reiterated. 

Honeymaren laughed, “ _We_!” She kissed her. “We’re pregnant!”

Her arms pulled Elsa in tight. She lifted her from the floor, lips finding hers immediately. 

“-but wait- Maren, wait,” Elsa put her hands on Honeymaren’s shoulders and looked down at her. “It’s early, _too_ early. We need to stay calm about this.”

“Stay calm?” Honeymaren ignored her. “I told you that _other_ doctor was a quack! One round of IVF and look at you!” She spun Elsa around in a circle, “We’re having a baby!”

When they slowed, Elsa dropped her forehead onto Honeymaren’s, “We are…” 

“Ohh my nature…” she beamed. Honeymaren fell back onto the bed with Elsa in her arms. She held her lips against her cheek, whispering niceties, “I love you… so much… _too_ much. Gods, I love you!”

Giggling, Elsa shook her head, “I love you, too… Now, are you going to be the one to tell Ryder, or should I?”

Honeymaren scrunched her nose. Her heart stopped and restarted in her chest, “Let’s wait on that for a minute… Ryder is… he’s going through a rough patch, and there has to be a way I can change his mind? I’m not below bribery, you know...”

Elsa mocked a frown, “You will _not_ be bribing our son into liking his new brother or sister!”

“Why not?” Maren jested. “It worked for me.”

Before Elsa could say anything further, Honeymaren had found her lips once more. She rolled Elsa onto her back, savoring the moment. 

“Who woulda thought, Snowflake?”

“Thought what?” Eyes dazzling, Elsa looked up at her. 

“Three years ago, that’d we’d be right where we are today?” 

Elsa couldn’t help it. She giggled, holding Honeymaren tightly against her. “I don’t regret a second of it... I’m so happy you bribed me with coffee so I'd fall in love with you.”

“Aha,” Honeymaren bit Elsa’s bottom lip. “See, you’re not above bribery either!”

“It doesn't matter. As soon as we tell him, I’m sure Ry will get excited about it,” Elsa considered, following the kiss by raising onto her elbows. 

Honeymaren didn’t want to say it, but she wasn’t certain she agreed anymore… Telling Ryder might burst the happy little bubble the two were currently living in.

She kissed Elsa again, thinking perhaps they should wait...

* * *

  
_Cheers,_

_M._

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to the editing queen, superamy777, and also to everyone who attended last night's read aloud. It was so nice to see everyone's reactions. Your support, as always, means so much to me!


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